Official Trail Map & Visitor Guide — Est. 2003, Green Bay Unit
Total Trail Length20+ years
Park HeadquartersPortland, OR
Elevation GainJunior → Senior Eng.
HoursAlways open (CI never sleeps)
Welcome & Orientation
Welcome to Dwyer National Park, a sprawling, occasionally overgrown wilderness of code repositories, standups, and one (1) extremely long motorcycle detour. The park spans more than two decades of terrain — from the dairy-CRM lowlands of Wisconsin to the high-elevation Compose migration ridge at New Relic, with a scenic 20,000-mile out-and-back through Central and South America.
Visitors should be advised: trails are well-marked, mostly shipped on time, and occasionally require a force-push (please don't).
Elevation Profile — Career Progression
2003 · Green Bay2010 · Sabbatical2017 · Cvent2019 · New Relic2024 · eBay
Trailheads & Routes
1
Dairyland Loop
Easy2003–2004 · Green Bay, WI
A gentle introductory trail through inventory and CRM systems for Land O'Lakes and White Clover Dairy. Flat terrain, good for beginners. Surprisingly formative.
2
Classroom Ridge
Moderate2007–2010 · University of Phoenix Online
A steady climb maintaining a classroom platform serving 400,000 students. Watch for switchbacks near finals week.
Off-map. Visitors leave the park entirely on a solo motorcycle route from Arizona to the southern tip of South America. Returns with a published trip report, "Anxiety Across the Americas." Not maintained by park staff.
4
Load Board Switchbacks
Moderate2016–2017 · DAT Solutions
Built an Android app and Node.js REST API trail system from scratch. Truckers reportedly rejoiced at the trailhead.
5
React Native Pass
Strenuous2017–2019 · Cvent
A steep but rewarding ascent — led the React Native pilot and reached "Tech Lead" summit within 6 months. Built a Storybook trail-marker system along the way.
6
Compose Migration Summit
Strenuous2019–2024 · New Relic
The park's signature hike. Led a full migration of 50+ screens from Java/XML to Kotlin/Jetpack Compose for the mobile observability platform. Views from the top: a calm CI pipeline.
7
Item Discovery Overlook
Moderate2024–present · eBay
Currently maintained trail. Item discovery and offer management, sales analytics, coupon refactor — now with AI-assisted trail crews (Copilot, Cline, Claude Code).
Leave No Trace — Seven Principles
1
Plan AheadDual degrees in Computer Science and Philosophy from Saint Norbert College — preparation pays off, especially during incident reviews.
2
Travel on Durable SurfacesPostgres, SQLite, MySQL, NoSQL — handles millions of rows without complaint.
3
Dispose of Tech Debt ProperlyMigrations completed cleanly — Java to Kotlin, XML to Compose, no debris left on the trail.
4
Leave What You FindRespects existing architecture — refactors with intention, not for sport.
5
Minimize Build ImpactCI pipelines calm and green. Docker, AWS, git used responsibly.
6
Respect Other HikersMentorship included at no extra charge. Hosted meetups at Cvent.
7
Be Considerate — Reply PromptlyReplies to recruiter emails within the hour. Sources say this is "also unusual."
Field Guide — Species You May Encounter
Kotlin Warbler
Compositus jetpackus
Common, especially since 2023. Often seen alongside Coroutines and Flows.
React Native Finch
Componentus storyboardus
Spotted at Cvent, 2017–2019. Travels in pairs with Node.js and GraphQL.
AI Copilot Hawk
Assistus codus
Recently introduced species (Copilot, Cline, Claude Code). Now fully integrated into the ecosystem.
Wandering Motorcyclist
Homo sapiens vagabondus
Rare migratory pattern observed 2010–2011. Range: Arizona to Argentina. Does not return unchanged.