$$$ Senior Software Engineer available — 20+ yrs exp, mobile/web/full-stack (Portland / Remote)

QR code valid. Item is real. 20+ years of professional software engineering experience, currently shipping at eBay (item discovery, sales analytics, AI-tooling integration). Previously led a 50+ screen Java→Kotlin / XML→Compose migration at New Relic. Also comes with a free book — long story, see below.

// what's included

• Senior Android engineer — Kotlin, Java, Jetpack Compose, Coroutines, Flows, Dagger, Retrofit, MVVM
• Web & full-stack — React, React Native, JavaScript, Node.js, GraphQL, C#
• Databases — Postgres, SQLite, MySQL, NoSQL, "handles millions of rows without complaint"
• DevOps — Docker, AWS, git, CI pipelines, mentorship included at no extra charge
• AI tooling — GitHub Copilot, Cline, Claude Code, integrated into daily workflow

// work history (pickup available, will travel)

• eBay (2024–present) — item discovery & offer management, sales analytics, coupon refactor
• New Relic (2019–2024) — led mobile observability platform rewrite, Java/XML → Kotlin/Compose
• Cvent (2017–2019) — React Native pilot, tech lead within 6 months, hosted meetups
• DAT Solutions (2016–2017) — built "Load Board" Android app + Node.js REST APIs
• University of Phoenix (2007–2010) — maintained online classroom platform, 400,000 students
• Remote Operations / Green Bay, WI (2003–2004) — first job, dairy industry CRM (Land O'Lakes, White Clover Dairy)

// free stuff

Also including, at no charge: a self-published travel memoir titled "Anxiety Across the Americas", written after disappearing for 8 months and riding 20,000 miles solo on a motorcycle from Arizona to Argentina (2010–2011). Slightly used. Some wear on the seat.

do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers — kidding, please do, that's the whole point of this listing